I'll Pick Up The Pieces
by klcm
Summary: When the team get hurt on a case Garcia's the only one left to handle it all but sometimes the heart of the team struggles
1. Prologue

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Right this is pretty much hurt all round but will be Garcia orientated... as ever...

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter One -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**PROLOGUE**

The noise was ringing out still; her hearing hadn't absorbed the loudness yet. She knew it was bad, she knew how deep they were in the moments that it had happened. She could hear the building still falling and she just sat frozen with the ear piece still in her ear.

About 3 minutes earlier she was helping with guarding the team through a building. She was doing well until she heard one of the most terrifying words of her life. _**BOMB**_. That word still evoked a chill up her spine and put the fear of Christ up her. Said bomb had gone off and none of the team had gotten out. She knew that was a dead clean fact.

She shook her head she needed to get them help. So she did so, she rang emergency services, she rang the section chief and she rang the director and then she broke. She sat and allowed all the feelings that were bubbling and concocting to ebb out however they so needed to.

She knew she had, as her right as part of the team, to ring each of the team members family and tell them what had happened but she didn't want to call them and offer false hope. She wanted to give them appropriate details. She knew what false hope felt like and that was the last thing she needed right then.

So she sat in silence and stared at her screen. Sad tears, regretful tears, angry tears, worried tears all marking her face. The blueprints and land layouts that she had kept up to help them still sat in front of her and she just looked to where the team had been. Where the bomb had been and fully broke down. She didn't withhold anything. She just cried with the anguish that was tearing her apart.

She found herself inundated with paperwork and phone calls not long after, she was the only one on the team that could do it now and soon she just stood up and called it quits. She needed to get to the hospital. She couldn't work. She'd worked for long enough already. Struggled with the case for long enough and now she had to know how they were doing. She was tired, worried and her head was killing her with the multiple scenarios that were playing out.

All she took with her was her purse, her phone and the list of contact details. The hospital knew she'd do it. She'd made that an order almost as soon as she could. She'd give it until morning to give an update. Hopefully the prospect wouldn't be as dire as it was now. Hopefully she could ring with good news. Hopefully she could continue to hope. Hopefully she'd be strong enough to pick up the pieces.

For once in her life Penelope Garcia was waiting on the fate of six people that meant more to her that the entire world that spun around her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter One -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: Unlike the others I felt this needed a prologue =)**


	2. The Lonesome Wait

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Thanks for the reviews! I didn't think something like this would be this fun to write but it! Hope you like!

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Two -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope didn't know how much more she could pace, sit, fidget, worry. She knew one thing and one thing only. All were in surgery. She didn't even think that could be possible, that all of them would be in the same place. All of her family, the entire lot had their life hanging in the balance.

She looked at her watch; it was coming up 6 in the evening. It'd been 5 hours since the bombing and she was a nervous wreck. She needed a drink but as she stood she found she didn't have the strength. She'd been on the go since 3 that morning, an Unsub struck and Penelope had to strike up the power and get the juices flowing and now she was exhausted. Exhausted with sleep deprivation, exhausted with worry.

She'd been told the same sob story for each of them. The nurses and odd doctor she'd spoken too had skated around the injuries. Broken this, fractured that, punctured something else. She just wanted to know that each and every one of them was going to wake up and walk out of this place.

She'd sat down, with her leg bouncing as medical jargon just continually began whizzing around forcefully in her ill-equipped head. Broken leg. Broken ribs. Crushed bones. Fracture bones. Punctured lungs. Internal bleeds. Cuts. Grazes. Gouges. Bruises. Bleeding. It all made her kind of queasy.

"Spencer Reid?" She heard and she didn't think she would shake more, she was alone in this waiting room and now she stood up a little wobbly and went towards the doctor as he still wore surgical scrubs. "Are you family?"

"I am yes." Penelope said nervously. "Is Spencer..."

"He's going to be fine, he was lucky. He's going to be in pain because we had to fix his shoulder and recreate an artificial socket. He's going to need physio to help with its mobility but he should be fine. He had some internal bleeds from fallen rubble and a minor head injury but apart from that he is going to covered head to toe in bumps, grazes and bruises."

Penelope sighed with relief. 1 down, 5 to go. "When can he be released?"

"I'm going to keep him in for a couple of days, week at the longest." The doctor said with a smile. "He was very lucky."

"Tell me about it." The doctor asked if she wanted to see him, she declined and fell into the seat nearest her when he disappeared. She quickly wrote down what Reid had wrong with him and settled into an uneasy feeling again. She needed to be able to give word perfect what was wrong with each of them.

"Aaron Hotchner?" She heard again and she saw only a solemn look on the man's face. She got up and he knew who she was, she'd seen him before he'd rushed Hotch into surgery. "He's in ICU but he's doing really good. He had a lot of internal damage and he hasn't woken up but I'm quite positive about his prognosis. Do you want to go down to him?"

"Erm no it's okay thank you." Penelope said with a grateful smile.

"Emily Prentiss?" Penelope's head spun round to see yet another doctor.

"I'll keep you updated but go." Hotch's doctor said and Penelope approached the other one warily. It was then she heard JJ's name and she wanted to cry. Everything was coming too quickly now.

"Right I'll come to you in a moment." Penelope said hastily and went to Emily's doctor. "Is she okay?" She asked her breathing almost nonexistent as she baited it in worry.

"She's going to be fine." Penelope was beginning to love that sentence. "She's had quite a lot of damage to her leg and a head injury, she's quite cut up but she'll be fine. We going to keep her sedated for a little while longer just because of her head injury but I'm quite positive that she' going to make a full recovery."

"Thank you so much." The doctor left her and she went over to JJ's one, come on lucky number four. "Please tell me she's okay." Penelope asked hopeful.

"She's fine for now, it was a rocky road in there but we repaired all damage to her lung and she's breathing on her own. She also broke her left arm but that's in a cast now and she's well rested. Depending on how her lung it's unclear on when we can release her, for now all we need her to do is rest."

"Thank you."

"No problem, do you want to see her?"

"No it's okay. Thank you again." Penelope said and dropped into the seat again. She didn't know how much longer she could tolerate this. She had to wait on Rossi and Derek now and she knew that if her best friend's fate was fatal she would literally crumble. Even if it was bad with Rossi, a part of her was ready to die with the news.

"Derek Morgan." She heard and her heart began to attack to her rib cage, she didn't want to know much, she didn't want to hear bad news. "He's alive." The doctor told her as he read her nerves. "At the most he had some isolated bleeds to his abdomen and some cartilage damage to his shoulder but it's been repaired and he just needs to rest. Would you like to see him?"

"Erm... in a bit but thank you." Penelope said and she had to take a seat and put her head in her hands. She grabbed her phone in that instance, she needed support, she needed Kevin.

"What?" Was all she got as a greeting and she felt herself faltering all the more.

"Erm, Kevin, I really need you." She said to him and her voice waivered with tears.

"Oh no you don't. You can't start playing mind games on me now. This morning you told me you were finished with our relationship. Told me how I didn't understand so don't you dare bring this around and want me all of a sudden. It's not fair Penelope, not on you or me or anyone else for that matter."

"Kevin please..." She pleaded as the tears fell down her face.

"No, I'm just taking the rest of my things from yours. This relationship died ages ago; I don't know why I ever stuck around. Have a nice life Penelope." Kevin told her and the line went dead on her. Now Penelope sat and sobbed in the hard plastic hospital chair.

"David Rossi? Anyone for David Rossi?"

Penelope wiped her face and stood up. "I am." She said as confidently as possible and the doctor looked at her sadly.

"He's going to be okay if that helps?"

"Yeah it does thank you." Penelope told him with a small smile.

"He's been through the ringer but he's going to be just fine. Couple of days rest and he'll be right as a nine pence. We had to fix damage to his side but he's stable and still sedated to keep it that way. He's going to be fine."

"That's all I needed to know." Penelope said and took in a deep breath. "Thank you so much."

"No worries. I think you need to get some rest." The doctor advised her and she nodded. "It's not good to let yourself become that exhausted."

"It's what you get with my job and 6 family members all in surgery."

"Well you definitely need a break. When is the rest of your family coming?" The doctor asked her concerned. Looking at Penelope, she looked ready to collapse but he could see she was stronger than that.

"I was going to wait until the morning. Give them a better outlook than right now. Save them the worry."

"Good idea, go and get some sleep and I'll give you a new update of Mr Rossi's progress first thing." He said good bye and Penelope just mumbled a thank you and slumped into the chair near her again.

She stared at the wall in front. She should've felt like the luckiest girl alive. All of her 'family' had been involved in a collapsing building and none of them were severely hurt. It should've made her happy but all she could think about was that she'd lead them there.

She was a part of the team too but she was the only one that hadn't been out on the field. Tech or not.

Now worry was replaced with absolute guilt.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Two -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: I couldn't let them die! That's just mean!**

**Drop me a review?**


	3. Right Was Wrong

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Thanks for _all_ the reviews! You guys rule! =)

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Three -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope still hadn't slept. She'd sat with each of the team throughout the night and now she'd remained with Derek. She stuck a little more with JJ and Emily than anyone else but she felt most comfortable here with him. She rubbed her eyes again. She now had decided that she refused to cry. She'd do that when she was away from this sterile environment. Away from the team. Away from any attention.

It was late the next morning, after she'd taken the time to get a new update and ring each of the team's family hours earlier that she began to worry again. All the families were on their way immediately. For now Penelope watched the heart monitor measure Derek's heart rate and she seemed to get lost in the rhythmic beat he was displaying.

She'd gotten flowers for each of them, a card too, and fruit ready for the rest to come from visitors. She felt she needed to be on top of everything. To compensate for something. She'd even gone back, after forgetting things, to get them a book and magazines that she knew they each read. She'd made sure they had juice in their rooms, as well as a new jug of water.

She tore her attention away from the beat on the screen when Derek groaned and she shot up shakily and stood there, at the foot of his bed and just watched as he opened his eyes and closed them tight with pain and the lasting effects of drugs and anaesthetics.

He finally looked at her as his vision cleared and a small smile planted itself on his lips."Hey baby girl."

"Glad to see you up at last." She said with a smile that didn't last.

"What happened exactly?" He said as he had to admit it was all still hazy.

"Erm, there was a bomb in the building I was guiding you through and you were still in there when it went off." She said and drew in a deep breath. "But you're going to be fine. All of you."

"Come here." He said and he watched her hesitate. "Come on baby girl, come here."

"I'm going to go check on the others." She said and went to the door.

"Penelope... pump those brakes woman." He said tiredly and he gritted his teeth as he moved to sit up some.

"I'm sorry Derek, just get some rest. I'll be back." She then disappeared and Derek slumped down and put his hand to his head, he was now officially confused. Penelope just walked then, she went passed each of the teams rooms to look in and then went into the waiting room and took to one of the plastic chairs that she officially hated.

"Penelope." She heard and she shot up, she was fed up of being alert right now. She approached Will and Henry, who'd come back from his parents almost immediately. "What happened?"

"Erm, the building the team were in, it had a bomb rigged inside, the team were in there finding an Unsub when it went off."

"When was this?"

"Yesterday lunchtime." She told him and watched his features morph some.

"And I only got the call this morning?"

"I- I didn't want you to worry Will. JJ wouldn't want that."

"I'm her husband, the hospital should've called, not you!"

"I know, I told them not to. I wanted you to have something better to hear after this than your wife's in surgery." She tried to defend but she could see it failing her.

"Next time, I hope to God there never is, but next time Penelope you leave notifying families to the hospital and keep your nose out of it. You're not family, we are, so next time think." He then left her almost shell shocked as he went to find JJ's room.

"I'm looking for David Rossi." She heard next and she scratched her head and approached some before calling out.

"Ma'am, your son is down the hall fourth on the right, he's still asleep." Penelope told the older woman.

"Are you the woman that rang me?"

"I am yes."

"I'd thank you but I think next time the hospital needs to let the family involved know rather than some total stranger that the family doesn't know." The woman gave Penelope a pick up just to knock her down. She got the same treatment from Sean Hotchner and Haley's sister as they brought Jack and told her that she owed it to Jack now, if anything had happened to Hotch it would've been down to her that they weren't there.

Reid's father turned up and blanked Penelope after finding out she was the woman that called. She didn't know if she could do with another kicking down and she was about to leave to miss the Prentiss' and Morgan's when Derek's mom and sister turned up.

"I know you." She heard as she picked herself and her stuff up, she looked up to see where the voice came from. Hoping it wasn't aimed at her. "When my son's hurt next time, do not withhold it from me. You had no right to do that."

"I'm sorry Mrs Morgan, I thought I was helping out rather than making you worry."

"My son's my worry, not someone I hardly know." Fran told her and Penelope felt her heart bottom, all her good was just turning bad. "Next time I think you should leave matters like this to the families, do not stick in what you think is right when it obviously isn't."

"I'm sorry for the misjudgement. I hope it never happens again."

"Oh it won't." Penelope nodded and began to leave. "I think you should give him a bit of space to recuperate."

"Of course."

"I don't know who you are to him but you were obviously the only one on the team that drew lucky. Maybe you should go to work or something and think about how it isn't your parents and family getting a phone call from a stranger telling them their daughter's in hospital after a bomb explosion."

That hit Penelope hard. She didn't have a family that would worry. "Like I said I'm sorry. Really, really truly sorry Mrs Morgan" Penelope left and almost ran into Kevin. "Not you." She groaned unappreciatively.

"I just heard, first thing this morning. Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone." Penelope said as she hit his hands away. "I tried to help each of those families because I've been there and I know what it feels like for each of them to just throw it in my face." Penelope said as the urge to cry took over. "I sat and waited hours alone for news to tell them how their children were doing for it to be a mistake and I needed you so much yesterday but you just didn't even bother to listen to the fact that I was breaking down on the phone so leave me alone Kevin."

Fran Morgan knew then as she watched the woman she'd just berated walk off that she'd made a grave mistake. There was more than what she'd let on as to why she'd waited to call. She sucked in a regretful breath and went to find her son. Maybe he'd be able to shed some light on who that woman was.

Kevin watched Penelope too. He'd screwed up, ever after their break up he should've heard her plea's and let bygones be bygones but he hadn't and now he realised how much she had needed him. When it was all too late.

Penelope finally made it home and it was as her door shut and closed her off to the outside world that all the adrenaline that had kept her going since waking up to a new victim the previous morning that she gave up. The tears broke their barrier and her body just gave up and she collapsed on herself just inches into her apartment.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Three -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: There we have it! The downfalls!**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Drop me a review guys! =)**


	4. Avoidance

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Thanks for _all_ the reviews! Cannot believe the mammoth jump! Such a shock but I love it!

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Four -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

The next day drug by and Penelope hadn't gone to the hospital, she'd rung to find out how everyone was doing but when she was told that they wanted to see her she made up an excuse as to why she couldn't go in.

After she'd collapsed, the previous day, Penelope had woken up to a headache and stiff neck. She didn't remember falling or anything else after she'd seen Fran and Kevin for that matter. It was all a bit of a blur to her.

As the day wound on she began to wonder why she even bothered to do good in a world where being grateful seemed to be lacking. She remembered when her parents were in their accident. She'd waited for hours on end worrying, fretting, wishing that she could just not know until the end result. Yet she'd gotten the news and she had mere hours to spend with her mom before she died whereas her father stuck around a couple of days until he gave up his fight. She didn't want anyone else to feel the feelings she had. And she'd felt guilty for when she'd been shot and the team waited for news on how she was doing.

Now she was in work, again, still working the same case but with a different team. She'd avoid anything to be faced with the families of the team again. She couldn't deal with it. Even if it meant working this case.

Her phone rang and the shrill sound echoed in her head. "TA Garcia, how may I help you?"

"Garcia I need you to look up the location of Josh Gibbons." She was ordered.

"Yes Agent Thompson, is that all?"

"For now. Work faster." He told her and the line went dead and she sat there, completely frozen. She hated that it wasn't Hotch on the end of the line. For once she wanted his orders; at least she got some comfort and friendliness with it.

Her office phone rang again and she answered it. "Garcia?"

"Garcia, you're requested in Strauss' office immediately."

"Oh um..."

"A tech shall be taking over your duties on the case, but you are required to get here as soon as possible."

Penelope gulped. "On my way." She listened to the dead ring as the phone was put down on the other end of the call and she just stared at all her hard work she had done. She had no idea what she was needed for but it was urgent.

She jumped as her phone rang and she looked at her time, so much for as soon as possible. She thought and answered the call. "Garcia?" She answered warily.

"Baby girl..." Derek breathed down the line and Penelope felt the urge to end the call. "Don't put the phone down Penelope." She remained silent as she listened to him show her how well she knew him. "Please come by the hospital. We need to see you."

"I can't." She told him.

"Why the hell not?" He nearly yelled and she heard him grimace with pain.

"I'm not... you need your families right now." Penelope breathed out and she ran a hand over her head. "I understand now where you're mother was coming from yesterday, and the others for that matter, and I won't intrude."

"I _need_ you here." He told her desperately.

"No you don't Derek." She told him truthfully. "What you need is mamma Morgan." She tried to joke but her tone was too flat. "Just rest up and I'll see you when you're back at work."

"You cannot do this Penelope. We're a family, you and me and the others."

"Derek, don't make this harder. I was told to stay away so I'll honour those requests. It's okay really."

"Penelope... please." He pleaded.

"Handsome, rest up. I've gotta go, Strauss requested to see me. Bye." She abruptly put the phone down and wiped the few tears away and then stood and took herself to the ice queen's office.

She made it and nervously rapped on the door. Being summoned in she walked in and closed the door and turned to face the devil herself as she sat in the brightly lit room. "Ma'am, you requested to see me?"

"Have a seat Penelope." She gestured and Penelope didn't argue, she just went and sat down and looked at the older blonde. "Do you know why you're here Garcia?"

"No Ma'am."

"Well I know you were on to the team when the explosion happened. I, also, know you did not complete all paper work that was needed after the incident and that you did not come into work until you were 6 hours late yesterday."

"I was at the hospital Ma'am."

"But why?"

"I felt that the team's family deserved more than a quick phone call telling them that their family were involved in such an accident."

"You took that onto yourself to do?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"You do know how detrimental that decision was to your job don't you Garcia?"

"I do Ma'am but I wouldn't change my decision in doing that for anything." Penelope sat strong by her actions.

"I see." Strauss said as she sat forward with understanding. "And how are you coping?"

Penelope breathed out; she couldn't lie to this woman. It was almost impossible. "I guess I could be doing better."

"You're a part of that team too Garcia so why are you in work?"

"Erm..." She said in shock. "Because I'm just a technical analyst Ma'am. I wasn't on the field like the others so technically I'm not that involved."

"Yes but you were still involved with that explosion whether you want to realise that or not."

"Really Ma'am, it's not an issue."

"I'm sending you to the hospital for a psych evaluation." She looked up from what she was writing down to see Penelope's shock stricken face. "I took note of your behaviour immediately after the incident and all throughout today. I'm worried for you Garcia."

"But I'm fine."

"Needless to say I want you to have a psych EVAL before you come back to work."

"It's been two days Ma'am, with all due respect I need to just work."

"Obsessive behaviour Garcia is not good and you've shown in it several area's today." Strauss told her. "I'm worried for your welfare that's all. I've seen a lot in this job and your team are the closest we've ever had to excellence. What happened to the others must have had an effect on you."

"It has Ma'am, but I have nothing to do outside of the job."

"How about you go and see your friends?" Penelope was still in shock at the woman's new found love and friendliness towards the team. "Once you've had the EVAL I want you to go and have a good sleep. I know you've slept in the office and barely slept and physically it shows. You need to sort yourself out Garcia."

"Ma'am..." She tried again.

"Garcia packed your things up. There's an appointment for you at 5 this afternoon. I want to see your EVAL on my desk by the time I get into tomorrow morning. Then I don't want to see you for a week."

Penelope got up and thanked the woman without wanting to. She got her things and locked up everything and then left. She was meant to drive home but ended up at the hospital. Nearly 3 hours too early for her appointment.

She went to get out but saw Derek's mom leaving the doors. It was as she sat back down she saw herself in the mirror. She didn't look like herself but she didn't want to leave now. She felt she couldn't. So instead of going in and to one of the team's room, she went in and went for the waiting room and sat in the seat she had as she'd awaited news on each of them and she lost it again.

The tears came pouring out.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Four -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: You're reviews have helped the muse!**

**I didn't neglect you yesterday! Life's taken over a lot but I am back... well unless something else crops up! =)**

**Enjoy!**


	5. If I'd Known

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Thanks for _all_ the reviews again! It makes me wanna write more!

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Five -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope couldn't stop the tears falling anymore; she'd lost her one drive to keep her block on her emotions. She'd been named as mentally unfit to work as far as she was concerned and she didn't know where to go or who to turn to. Everyone was wrapped up with their recovery or family, Kevin was gone and she didn't want her problems to be added onto the others. They didn't deserve it.

She'd never felt this alone in her entire life and that was what made her hate on herself even more.

Fran Morgan was walking back up the corridor; she'd left to find Penelope. She couldn't find her but as she walked up the corridor she found her sitting in the corner, crying her eyes out with a pile of paperwork on her lap and her heart bled for the woman. She went over to the woman she barely knew and sat next to her.

"Penelope." She said softly and Penelope hiccupped and looked up a little. "I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday. I now understand why you did what you did." Penelope looked away then and she saw a few more tears fall; she then looked at the piece of paper on the red heads lap. "Why are you going to the psychiatric clinic?"

"I've been reprimanded to get a Psyche evaluation." Penelope said and broke down more. "I'm so sorry for doing what I did. I did what I thought was right and everyone showed me I was completely wrong. I would never, ever try to take away moments with your children again."

"Hey it's okay Penelope. My son's been waiting for you to come by." Fran took Penelope hand. "I am so sorry for yesterday." She gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry for my comment about your family; Derek told me that you lost your parents."

"You weren't to know and really I was out of line. I had no right to take that decision upon myself and well... it didn't do anyone any good did it?"

"It did the families of those 6 the world of good. They were saved from a lot of worry and upset and that was because of you. You took that upon yourself to save us going through it. Did you wait on your own?" Penelope nodded and wiped her face. "You deserved better treatment than what I gave you then."

"You were hurting. I remember what it felt like to find out my parents were in hospital. I just wanted to save you from that. That's all I did. I felt so guilty that they were hurt and I wasn't. I shouldn't have let them go in if there was any indication like there was."

"You dare begin to blame yourself and I will let Derek spank you." Penelope looked up shocked. "My son's spoken a lot about you when he's been awake and before this ever happened. Trust me if that boy could worry about someone it's you." Fran then leant in and put her arm around Penelope's shoulders. "Trust me, each of your team members have told their families how it is with you."

Penelope hiccupped again and wiped her face of tears. "I'm sorry; I've been losing it since I heard that explosion."

"No need to apologise. I had noticed, what have you done with yourself?"

"To be honest I don't really know. I'm just so exhausted now and I'm not allowed in work until it's written that I'm mentally fit."

"Who questioned it?" Fran asked worriedly. If Penelope had no family, she'd be it. Penelope looked up at Fran and wanted to cry at the love she was feeling, it was a stark contrast and a feeling she hadn't felt in years.

"Our section chief. Apparently I've become obsessive and she's noticed a change in my behaviour." Penelope's lip quivered then. "Derek rang me earlier and it hurt so much to tell him I wouldn't go and see him." Penelope began to sob again, this was getting too much. "I love him so much."

"Well you need to tell him that."

Penelope shook his head. "He has a girlfriend." Penelope told her and wiped her face again; even if it didn't last long she kept doing it. "Plus why would he want to be with me? I'm nothing special."

Fran laughed a little then. "You're nothing special?" She asked and made Penelope look up at her. "Penelope, you subjected yourself to hours of waiting to hear news on 6 people's health before you rang total strangers to let them know. You did that to save a lot of scared people from doing the wait. You showed you have so much love to give to those 6 and we didn't realise that because in the immediate moments of meeting you we all didn't stop to see it from your point of view. You Penelope are something extra special and you should never be allowed to forget that."

Penelope smiled a little. "Thank you Mrs Morgan, I can see why Derek's the man he is, but it still doesn't dismiss the fact that there's a girl in his life."

"From what I've heard it's been 2 dates and a whole load of nothing else."

"It's early days."

"Penelope stop being stubborn. Now come on what times your appointment?"

"5." She said a little nervous. "I really don't want to go."

"How about I come with you? For support that is." Fran offered with a smile. "You have another 2 hours or so and I think you're in need of a sleep." Fran then stood up and put her hand out. "Derek's been sleeping a lot today and you can too and come 4:45 me and you going upstairs and I'll wait for you to be done."

"Mrs Morgan you do not need to do this for me. You don't know me."

"Dear, if I'd known you were my son's baby girl yesterday, I wouldn't have reacted as I did." Fran told her and Penelope finally took her hand. "You're a victim in all this as well, whether or not you were in that building or not, you were still involved."

The pair then walked to Derek's room, Derek's sister looked up and smiled warmly and Penelope was pushed into a chair and Fran disappeared before getting a blanket. Then for the first time in a couple of day's Penelope managed to sleep easily.

Derek woke up painfully and the first thing that met his sight was Penelope was she slept curled up in the chair; he smiled and looked at his mom. "When did this happen?"

"When I came back in from trying to find her, I found her in the waiting room crying her heart out. She's not allowed in work and she's got to have an evaluation done at 5. I wanted her to get some sleep because she's too exhausted to function."

Derek ran a hand over his face. "I knew this would happen."

"Well this is the start of good things." Fran commented and smiled as she took her son's hand. "Now you rest up, I'm taking her up for her appointment."

"Thank you mom for doing that."

"Everyone needs a mom, even at your ages."

When Penelope woke up she was relieved that Derek was still asleep, Fran wasn't going to tell her he'd been awake and she didn't even as she watched Penelope get lead into a room by an older man.

Penelope was told to take a seat immediately and she sat with her hands in her lap, she'd handed over the paperwork already and as he got ready her nerves increased.

"You have nothing to be worried about." He assured her friendly and almost instantly she relaxed some. "Now I know what's brought you here but I want you to tell me in your own words." And that was the beginning of a whole load of talking. Talking that Penelope felt she couldn't hold in and shouldn't have to hold in. She cried more times than she could count and with each new outpour she felt a release rather than the urge to do it more.

"Right Penelope, I want you to come back again next week for a follow up, but from what I've heard it would appear you're suffering the starts of Survivor's Guilt."

"Survivor's Guilt? But I wasn't there."

"You were still able to hear the moment the explosion happened. This meant that you were technically there and the fact that your team got hurt and you didn't means that you feel responsible in some way." Penelope looked down at her hand. "I'm going to prescribe you a brief round of sedatives so you can get some sleep and, I'm also going to prescribe a short course of anti-depressants. We've gotten onto this early and I believe that with the right counselling and support you'll be over this before it gets any worse." He said and got ready to finish up.

Fran watched as the door was open. "Now with the sedatives, I want someone to be around because you haven't taken them before you don't know how they're going affect you. Everyone responds differently."

"I'll be there." Fran said as she approached. "I'll be Penelope's primary contact."

The man smiled at her. "Well I want you to make sure Penelope get's a decent night sleep."

"Oh I will do." She then took the prescriptions papers and put her arm around Penelope. "We'll get you something to eat and then a proper night's sleep once these are filled."

"I want to see Derek." Penelope said and looked at Fran. "I'm not going to help myself unless I tell him the truth."

"You sure you're ready?"

"I think I've always been ready, I just haven't had the courage." Penelope told her and went back to Derek's room. He was going to know everything.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Five -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: There's going to still be some up's and down's but Penelope's not suffering alone now!**

**AND! This wasn't going to be MG in the way it's going but it's happening it seems!**

**Hope you liked! =)**


	6. Gonna Get Better

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ I love how much you lot get involved in you reviews!

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Six -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Reading the labels of the now made up prescriptions Penelope knew if her parents were around they'd frown upon this type of medicine. Being hippies and all. Penelope never thought in a million years that she would be taking anti-depressants and sedatives to help her out but here she was in dire need of them. The sleep from earlier hadn't done that much good and the waiting on Derek to wake up wasn't helping much either.

Penelope wasn't paying attention, she was lost in the room, in her thoughts, in the condition she had been told she was suffering and all she could think was that it was all happening too quick. It'd be two days since the explosion and already she was declared mentally unfit. That thought scared her a little more than she had thought at first.

"Penelope, we're going to get food. I'll bring you up something and then we'll look at getting you home." Fran said as she stood in front of Penelope and she looked up shocked. "He's been up a while but you've been a little far from reality."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise." Fran said sweetly as she brushed Penelope's cheek. "Let's not keep the boy waiting. We all know how impatient he can get." She said and then followed her daughters out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Penelope looked up slowly and hid the bottles in her purse. A moment of embarrassment taking over her. She tried to think of a string of words that would make the moment normal but she really couldn't muster it and as she went to speak Derek got there first.

"What have you been doing with yourself eh baby girl?" He asked her and pushed himself up a little and Penelope jumped up and the bag dropped to the floor.

"Don't move so much eh?"

"Don't I get a little joke baby?"

"I'm afraid Handsome I'm completely out of joking juice." She told him truthfully and forgot about her bag and sat on the edge of the bed.

Derek took her hand. "What happened with you baby? It's been two days and none of us know what's been going on with you." Penelope looked away then. "Come on P, let me in. I need you to let me in."

"I was the one leading you through that building, I had bomb squad search that place but it wasn't enough. My gut told me it was a bad move but I let you go in there and it was all my fault."

"Whoa baby girl, this is nowhere near your fault." He then put his hand to her chin and lifted her head up to look at him. "Now what else princess?"

"Tuesday wasn't my day and yesterday wasn't my day and today wasn't my day." Derek prompted her to explain, not leave anything left unturned. "I dumped Kevin about an hour before that building came down." She told him and began to pull at a nail on her left hand. "I tried to get him to come to the hospital as I sat in the waiting room but he wouldn't listen. He was just telling me it was officially over and he had his stuff from my place." Derek pulled her hands apart, stopping her from nervously destroying her hands. "I didn't want to worry everyone until I knew I could give them an update that would prove worthwhile."

"You sat all on your own for that?"

Penelope laughed a little and he heard it quivered. "That's got to have been the worst time of my life."

"I bet. You shouldn't have done that."

"There was no one else. You lot were in surgery, there was only me left and even if your families knew they wouldn't have gotten here in time and yesterday everyone told me I was out of line and I wasn't family to choose to do those actions and it all basically finished me and then at work today I just wanted to work."

"What did Strauss want?"

Penelope looked up, her eyes a little wide. "I had to go and see a psychiatrist before I can go back. She, also, gave me a week off because she can tell I'm becoming obsessive and over exerting myself."

"I can see that too." Derek said gently. "What did the psych say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Is it what those pills are for?" He asked her honestly and she nodded. "It's nothing to hide."

"What type of person am I if I can't handle this Derek? It's been 2 days and I'm on sedatives to get the sleep that I can't naturally get and anti-depressants because I'm apparently heading right for Survivor's Guilt syndrome and the thing that gets me the most is that I wasn't even in that building. I was the tech that was sat in my office working and..." She broke down again. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I know exactly what's wrong with you and if I could I would so spank you right now for running yourself into the ground this much." Derek told her sternly yet with a massive amount of gentleness. "And you know Hotch isn't gonna be happy."

"I hear he isn't already but I don't want my problems to be yours. I mean you're already in a hospital bed..."

"And you'll be soon if you don't get some sleep and soon baby girl." Derek told her and a knock came from the door before it opened and Fran came in.

"I come bearing a few people." She said and they watched as Will came in, followed by Reid and his dad, and then Emily with her family. Derek watched Penelope's posture stiffen and he saw she wanted to bolt for her bag, to hide the pills but he just took her hand in his.

"Penelope, I'm so sorry for yesterday. I was worried and scared for JJ. I didn't stop to think about you." Will said and looked at her apologetically. "I know sorry isn't good enough and when JJ found out I got a right yelling from her. I just want to thank you for what you did on Tuesday and I want you to know that if there is anything you need then all you have to do is ask."

"Just go back to JJ and look after her and my Godson." Penelope said quietly but with a little smile, the darkness around her didn't feel so bad now. "You had every right to act like you did, but Will; I would do it all over again."

"I guess all I can say, from that statement, as well, is how sorry I am and how grateful I am that you value Spencer's life enough to do that for his family." William Reid said as he stepped forward. "My son's told me about you and I now understand why you did it."

"Gonna look after my little genius?"

"With my life."

"Then let's be bygones be bygones."

Emily went over and sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around Penelope. "You look like crap PG." She told Penelope as she squeezed her tightly and pulled away. "You shouldn't do that to yourself."

"Em, honey, I haven't really been myself the last couple of days so don't blame me."

"Is Kevin going to come and take you home? You look like you haven't slept in a week."

Penelope smiled sadly. "No Kevin isn't going to come and get me. There is no Kevin anymore." Emily's mouth fell slightly then and Penelope had to laugh.

"I'm taking Penelope home. On doctor's orders that is and she will be getting the sleep she needs." Fran said and looked at Penelope. "I think we need to get you home now... what do you say?"

"I say you take her home." Derek spoke up and pulled himself up completely, a hand holding his stomach and he saw Penelope watch him worriedly. "I want you to go home baby girl. End of story."

"Will you lay back down. I don't want you pulling stitches out to go on top of everything." She then looked at Emily and Reid. "And why aren't you in bed?"

"We're going home that's why." Reid told her as he stayed slumped in a chair. "And out of everyone we got the luckiest with our injuries. What are the pill pots for?" He asked pointing at the sheets. "And the discharge form?"

"Hey kid you're nosy you know that right?" Derek asked Reid with a smirk. "Pen experienced the niceness off Strauss and in turn ended up here and now has things to get her back to normal."

"That's all I'm gonna get right?"

"You said it in one sweetie." Penelope said as she felt more like her old self than she had in days. "I guess we better get you two home."

"And you too PG." Emily told her and hugged her again. "I'm gonna get make sure the others apologise."

"You don't need to. Seeing you all go home is enough." Penelope said and wouldn't argue anymore and she then felt Derek take her hand. "What's up handsome?"

"I want a hug before you go."

"Let's see the two patients off first."

"Remember my mom called me impatient?" Penelope nodded. "This is one of those moments." Penelope gave him and moved to hug him except as she went to put her arms around him he held her differently and kissed her lips gently. "I love you Penelope. Remember that please?" She nodded in shock and he smiled broadly at her. "Thank you for everything baby. Now go home and get some proper rest in you."

It wasn't until Penelope collapsed into her bed, with Fran actually willing to tuck her in before going to the couch to sleep and watch over her that she realised that things were going to get better. They had to. The worst had to be over now.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Six -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: I thought getting the whooole team in would be too much so I did it gradual! **

**Not Sure if I like how this overall chapter came out but you're still getting it nonetheless**

**Hope you liked**

**Drop me a review! **


	7. Seeing The Boss Man

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ I love how much you lot get involved in you reviews!

**Had to make a minor change to the previous chapter about apologises... thanks **_**Stefi **_**for pointing it out in the review =)**

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Seven -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope opened her eyes and could hear someone in the kitchen, she jumped up panicked some and then remembered it was Fran. She pulled her knees to her chest and ran her hands over her head, waiting to move while her heart calmed its race. Apart from the minor heart attack she was just recovering from, she felt amazing this morning. The best she had in probably years.

She'd woken up to a better feeling in her stomach and no headache pounding away. She sucked in a deep breath and slid to the edge of the bed, facing the archway that lead out of her bedroom. She looked at the clock on the bedside table and was shocked at the time. She knew she had to get up and allow Fran to see her son so she stood and walked out.

"Ah you're up at last." Fran said and put a mug down and started the kettle. "Derek said you like coffee but with the tablets you aren't allowed it so I know you like a good cup of a tea too."

"Thanks. Fran if you want to go and see Derek I'll be fine on my own."

"Nonsense Penelope." Fran said, in some way she felt she owed it to Penelope to be here. "I promised to look out for you and I'll do that. Derek has his sisters, he can wait a little longer to have his mother."

"Derek's very lucky to have you." Penelope commented as she put her hands around the cup she was passed. "I can tell you love him a lot."

"I might say I love him too much at times." Fran told her and Penelope laughed. "How did you sleep? I thought it was best if I just left you to wake up when your body was ready."

"Honestly?" Fran nodded. "I feel amazing." Penelope said and offered up a genuine smile. "But I really want to see your son so I'm going to go for a shower. Do you need a towel?"

"Would you mind? Des and Sarah have a change of clothes ready but a shower wouldn't go a miss."

"I'll get a towel out and once we're done we can go."

"Not before you've eaten though Penelope." Fran said sternly and Penelope walked away smiling, she loved having Fran around, she felt like she had a mom all over again.

When Penelope walked into the hospital she was dressed down more so than usual, it was hot outside, not that Penelope had taken much notice to the weather lately so it shocked her at how hot it had gotten. She was full up from the best breakfast she'd tasted in a while and that had made her feel even better. The good times were only just beginning and more came as she walked up the corridor and Jack ran to her and hugged her fiercely. She looked up from the little boy wrapped around her legs to Sean and Jess as they walked towards her with an apology on their face. Penelope then bent down and picked up Jack and walked towards the pair.

"How's your dad doing Jackers?"

"He's doing good Aunt P, he's just sleepy."

"Like you by the looks of it." She said as they finally made it to the nervous pair. "I hear Hotch is doing okay."

"Yeah it is." Sean replied and stole Penelope's eye contact. "I'm sorry for the other day, for what I said. Aaron's let me in on some of the secrets of you lot and had I taken a step back I would've realised that my brother was fine and there was someone here for him all along. I just didn't do that and in turn I hurt you and that was wrong."

"Penelope, I know sorry isn't enough but after I lost Haley I didn't want to lose Aaron as well. I just felt that that was what was happening. I know that wasn't the intention but it happened."

"It's okay really. They're all okay aren't they?" He got nods. "So what's there to be sorry about? I did what I thought was the right thing and for everyone it wasn't but they're okay and I won't be sorry for that." Penelope replied honestly and looked at Jack. "I think the hunger monster just roared in your belly Jackers."

"It has been for aaaaages now Aunt P!"

"Well I think you need to feed it before it brings the whole of Virginia to a standstill." She then tickled him and he giggled in her arms. "I'm guessing you're taking him for food?"

"That's where we were headed yeah." Jess said and pulled her bag onto her shoulder more.

"Well you go; I need to talk to the boss himself." Penelope said and put Jack down and ruffled his hair. "Go and get fed kiddo!" She said and let them leave.

"You'd make a good mom." Fran said as they walked up the hallway more.

Penelope shrugged. "Seems like a distant dream if you ask me. I've wanted to be a mom for ages but Kevin didn't want them so..."

"Derek's not Kevin." Fran commented cutting in and put her arm around her shoulder. "You two need a deeper talk than you've managed."

"We do but I want to see Hotch so you got to Derek and I'm going to go see Hotch." Fran did as she was asked and Penelope walked the length of the hall to Hotch. She saw the door open and went in and stood in the doorway. "It always scares me to see you like this boss man."

Hotch turned his head hastily and looked at her and then smiled. "Where have you been keeping yourself? I've had to wait ages to see you."

"It's been rough Hotch but it's getting better."

"I heard." Hotch told her and caught her off guard. "News travels fast you know." Penelope laughed at him then. "To be honest, you don't look like you've not slept and are near a mental break down."

"That's because I've taken the pills, or well the part of them I need to and I slept like a baby for about 16 hours so you do the maths there." Penelope said and stood at the foot of his bed. "How you doing?"

"Better for knowing how my tech's doing. I nearly blew a fuse when Sean came in here spouting the odds when I was awake enough to listen. Telling me how irresponsible and insensitive the red headed woman he hardly knew was."

"Yeah I got that reaction off a lot of people."

"You actually waited for news on us?" Penelope nodded. "Why would you do that?"

"Because you're my family." She replied honestly. "I just upped and left work and got here. I didn't even fill all the incident forms in because I couldn't and I felt guilty over the whole mess and Jeez Hotch, Strauss is nice!" That made Hotch laughed, it was the least expected thing. "She's worried about me, hence why I'm not at work."

"I hope she gave you some time off." Penelope nodded a little. "And I hope my brother and sister-in-law apologised?"

"They did."

"Good now go find Derek. I heard about your break up Penelope and you know getting away from Kevin could be the making of you."

"I'm beginning to see that too." She went over and kissed Hotch's cheek gently. "Get some rest yeah? Working for another team is horrible."

"They don't appreciate what good lethal weapons they have until they're gone. Trust me."

"I do." Penelope replied and left him be, she went by Rossi's room, he looked at her and small smile graced his Italian features. She was then sucked into the room and hugged and apologised to from Rossi's mom. In all honesty her having ago at her wasn't the worst she'd received the other day and for Penelope forgiving was easy. She then went by JJ's room but didn't stay too long seeing as Will was there and JJ was asleep.

By the time she made it to Derek's room she'd been separated from Fran almost an hour. She went in and found Derek sitting up, a t-shirt on now and he looked at her and broke into the biggest grin she'd seen that day.

"There's my favourite baby girl." He said as he opened his arms to her.

"I'm your one and only baby girl handsome." She said and went to him and took the hug he wanted.

"And that's how I'd like it to stay for a little while longer." He kept a hold of her. "Baby daughter eh?"

Penelope pulled away and laughed at him. "You're turning loopy hot stuff." She told him as she went and pulled the seat by the bed closer. "Let's talk recovery first then more about your broody mood another day."

"Hey, I've missed my baby girl that's all."

"Sure." Penelope joked at him lovingly and at that moment all she felt was absolute love and adoration for the man in front of her. Derek pouted at her when he realised his reaction didn't go down seriously. "Don't pout at me; you're nearly 36 and pouting like a child."

"Oh come on Pen, you act like a child more than me. Our phone calls prove it."

"I do believe you're the one that's always propositioning me." She teased him and Derek looked at her shock.

"Other way round baby, other way round." He told her and Penelope blushed a little as she realised where she was and who she was with. "And that colour cheek shows that I'm right."

Penelope looked at Fran and Derek's sisters as they looked amused and then she leant in. "Takes two to tango sugar." And in that moment she knew she'd won. All Derek could do was agree with her.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Seven -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: See it's all getting better! As promised! **


	8. Finishing A Tirade

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ It's been neglected again! Sorry! Taken my apology in the form of this chapter!

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Eight -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It had been a week and Penelope was walking the corridors of the hospital. None of the team were left, this was a personal call. She needed to go back and see if work was allowed. In the last week she'd hit a lot of rocks, but for the most she'd been kept up on a high.

She'd spent her days with Derek, but nights she'd left him to his family and gone home. It was working fine, she was still happy and content and no worry or woe came from her about the arrangement. It was all good.

She sat in the doctor's office, comfortable, with him opposite her and he looked at her and smiled. "Well what a week can do." He commented and Penelope smiled a little. "How did you find the anti-depressants?"

"To be honest, I felt no real difference and I don't want to keep taking them." Penelope told him honestly and confidently. "I needed the week off, it helped but I think I'm ready to go back to work."

"Still doesn't mean I'm not going to call you back in a week." He said with a friendly smile as he wrote. "You definitely aren't the same person who walked in here last week Penelope, it's good to see."

"It's good to know." Penelope took note that physically she was showing the rest.

"How are you coping with the incident now?"

Penelope wrung her hands together. This was the one million dollar question. "It wasn't my fault." She began and froze, trying to read the man's face for any indication to see if she was ticking the boxes or digging herself a hole. "It's our job, we go into situations that could be life threatening. Likewise, I did my job; they did theirs, just like any other day."

He tilted his head at her a little, pen poised. Penelope looked at the man in front of her, he screamed doctor of something, similarly dressed to what Reid wore to work, hair slicked down, glasses halfway down his nose. "Is that something you're making yourself believe or something you know is the truth?"

"It's the truth. I didn't plant the bomb, I didn't detonate it, I didn't make the team go there. The clues led us all there, even if I was still in my office. The information I found helped put the profile together and they went there to do their job."

The man smiled at her. "I'll get this letter written up and to Strauss as soon as but Penelope I see no reason why you can't go to work tomorrow as normal. That's if you feel ready?" He said to double check.

Penelope nodded. "I am ready."

"But will you be able to tell when you've had enough?" Penelope nodded. "There's leniency for this types of trauma's Penelope. Survivor's Guilt isn't a quick facade you get over. Will you know if the job gets too much and you need to take a time out?"

"I won't know until I'm given the chance to try but I do believe I won't get over this if I sit at home."

"You sound certain." Penelope nodded a little again. "I'm not prepared to sign you back full term yet Penelope. This illness might seem gone to you but the slightest thing can trigger it again. I want to be certain before you are fully back in the force."

"I get that I do."

"But..." He prompted after reading her body language.

"What if I never get over this? What if it takes until the team's back in work for me to be fully recovered?"

"Well then that might just be your cure Penelope but you take it as slow and steady as you possibly want to take it. It's your health, you call the shots." Penelope just nodded a little. She knew she wouldn't be fully over it until the team were back and unhurt. She knew it would take all her mite to not sink again but she wouldn't allow it.

Penelope left that office and went back to Derek's with Fran noticeably calmer and relaxed. Fran could tell from day's earlier that Penelope was worried about this appointment. Getting home she found her daughters in the kitchen, Derek was in bed and Penelope just went and sat outside of the decking, Clooney following her and laying next to her.

"You okay boy?" She asked as she ruffled the dog's ear and he responded by licking her hand. "I wish life was just simple Cloon." She said as the dog sat up right, getting closer and she just laid her head on his a little and sighed. "I wish none of this had happened, that none of us ever got hurt." She whispered sadly then sat up and leant forward, her arms on her knees to keep her up. "I can't tell him how I truly feel when he's vulnerable and I'm an utter fruit loop." The dog nudged her in the arm and Penelope looked at him and he just whined at her and Penelope smiled. "Life's not so simple as a dog's life."

When Derek came down, he found his mom and sisters in the dining room, all with drinks but he frowned. "Where's Penelope?" He asked as he sat down gingerly. She was usually around until late evening.

"She's been outside since we got back." Fran told them and smiled.

"Is everything okay?"

Fran nodded a little. "Seeing a psychiatrist unearths more than you speak in a session Derek, you know that. I think she came face to face with some realisations."

"I'm guessing Clooney's out there?" They all nodded. "Was it good or bad news she got?"

"Good, she's not back at work full term, just part until she's ready but she wanted some space." Fran saw the sadness on Derek's face. "She's been out there long enough on her own Derek." She prompted and he stood up, hand to his stomach and slowly went outside. He pulled the patio door to and looked at Penelope as she just sat like she were a statue. Clooney gave him up, when he looked around Penelope looked round.

"Whatcha doing Baby Girl?" He asked as he went to her, moving Clooney over, he sat down with her, he gritted his teeth and the worry made itself clear on Penelope's face. "I'm fine." He ground out and then he recovered. "Now come on Pen... how was it?"

"Great. I get to go back to work tomorrow but only until midday. I'm not on anti-depressants but there's a noticeable change in me. Which has gotta be a good thing."

Derek nodded and then looked at her intently. "What else is going on?"

"Nothing."

"Sure it isn't. I'll ask you again, what else is going on?"

"I'm worried I'll never get over this." She told him and looked out. "I almost lost you all the other day and that thought is just there, it doesn't do a lot, but when I think I'm making progress it jumps out and breaks everything down to what it was."

"You will get over this, I'll make sure of it baby girl." Derek told her and in that one little sentence Penelope knew he was speaking in truth and honesty. She would get over it because she had her family still. That niggling thought was what nightmares were made up of and that was lies. She just had to believe it now. In Derek's arms she knew it but his arms went always going to be around to catch her and protect her. "Everything's going to be better."

"When you guys get back into work."

"We'll be back before you know it gorgeous." He pressed a kiss to her temple and remained there a little longer than normal. "I have faith in you baby girl."

"Glad someone does." She told him with a small smile. "I need a supporter."

"You got quite a few." He told her and her smile grew more as she looked up him. "I love you Penelope. Do you understand that?"

"I do."

"Do you really? Because I don't think you do." He told her and Penelope's flashed with longing, the burn of tears began. "I want you to understand that I love you so much that I want you to sleep in my bed nightly and never go back to that apartment alone. Kevin's gone; I'm not giving him the opportunity to have a second chance with you."

"I've always loved you but I resigned myself to your best friend. I've felt like I've just orbited your life for years but I don't want to anymore handsome. I seriously thought you were dead and I hadn't told you my one biggest, most important secret."

Derek's eyes twinkled then. "Go on, tell me."

Penelope grinned at him childishly as she felt her confidence sky rocket from just being with him. "I love you so much Derek Morgan, that I'm done settling for second best. I love you more than life itself and if I lost you I can't see a reason to live on. I need you in my life like I need air in my lungs. I'm done fantasising." And before she could continue her tirade Derek kissed her fully and heavily. He crashed his lips onto her, bruising them with the love they shared and electricity exploded from their hearts and flowed into the other.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Eight -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: I was gonna try for this yesterday but a day in the sun resulted with me being a little slower and I think my muse for this stayed out in the sun until it was too late!**

**BUT here it is! =)**


	9. Liabilities and Conquering

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ The ends coming on this one, but you are **ALL** amazing for the reviews! =)

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Nine -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Eight days progress. Eight more days of work. Another session over. Another clearing. Yet Penelope felt more lost in her work than she ever had in the previous days. Everything she did went wrong and her breaking point came when she was handed a new case.

"Garcia. I asked for the information immediately. I'm yet to see it."

"I'm sorry Sir, but you don't understand how complex my job is."

"If you're finding it complex then maybe you shouldn't be doing it." Agent Thompson, head of the team B, said down the phone to her. "To be honest, if Agent Hotchner finds this standard of work acceptable then Strauss needs to rethink who she wants as head of the unit. Maybe I or Agent Morgan will get a better tech in." Penelope felt her face drop at that comment. "Get it to me in 5 minutes Garcia or I'm assigning a new tech to replace you full stop." The line went dead and Penelope just looked as the search he was after finished and she sent it to his PDA.

"I'll show you." She said but it was only later and after more comments of her slowness that she gave up and left the office and went to get herself a break. She walked into the bathroom and looked at her watch. She only had 20 minutes more to cope and she was going to leave him eating his own words.

Sitting back down she looked at her computer and then rang the agent back, she was faster for him this time and with a lot more information. "Garcia you were too late. I told you to be faster. We didn't get to Rebecca Kaplowski on time." Penelope's heart bottomed. "I suggest you wait for reassignment tomorrow. I can't work with such incompetence!"

"Sir we all due respect it was not entirely my fault. I could not have known the Unsub would work this fast. I did my job. I can only go as fast as my computers allow me. And if you think you can find a better tech in this God damn building, good luck. _Sir_." She put the phone down on him before he could do it to her. She was not about to be undermined and put down. Her skills were polished, pristine; they were the best in the building. The thing she didn't realise was her vulnerable state flaring up.

This was exactly what they'd spoken about in her sessions. She hadn't realised things were getting too much because now she sat with fears in her stomach. She'd just been blamed point blank that a murder was down to her and her incompetence somewhere along the line.

Slowly standing she gathered her things and went home. Once there she sent Derek a quick text, feigning a headache and need for sleep and sunk onto the bed and cried. It had been days since she'd felt like this and all she wanted was for her family to be back at their post. Superhero status back, indestructible to the extreme.

Penelope did fall asleep there, not naturally but because she had cried herself to sleep. Every nagging feeling she, the doctor, Derek and everyone out to support her had fought so hard to erase just combusted in her face and like that had made itself a prominent in her life once more.

When she woke up she knew she needed to show her face at Derek's. She didn't need him to worry about her while he was recovering. Even though he'd caught her out when she was covering up she kept trying. She went to the bathroom and pulled her hair out so the curls were loose and no longer restricted up. She sorted her partially smudged make up and then she went to Derek's.

Knocking on the door she waited as Fran came and opened the door. It was either her or Derek that would answer seeing as his sister's had to head back to Chicago. She went in and found Derek relaxed on the couch.

"Hey handsome." She said as she went in and stood there, for once she didn't know what to do.

"Your headache gone now baby girl?" Penelope bit her lip and nodded. "I don't like you being alone when you're like that." He said and patted the empty cushion next to him.

"It's okay sug." She said and sat next to him. "It's gone, I had a nap and I'm as good as new."

"Really huh? That's why you look like you've been crying." He felt her shoulders drop then. "I know this hasn't been an easy time for you baby girl, but you don't have to go through this on your own."

"I know." She said as Fran sat on the arm of the armchair and listened. "It's just been a tough day at work. I've had them before, I'll have them again."

"I don't want you to turn into the suffer in silent type." He whispered to her as he kissed the top of her head.

"No, we know how they end up." She whispered sarcastically back and curled into his side. She felt better whenever he was around. "I'm fine; I just don't like team b."

"I never liked Agent Thompson." Derek commented and he flashed his mom a look that he hoped Penelope hadn't seen.

"Well he doesn't like me." She told them both and then settled down for the night. She'd deal with that problem come the next day. For now she was going to relish in the hours until her work day started again but even then time flew too fast and she found a new day beginning. She walked into work and once on her floor, exited the elevator to see Agent Thompson by her office door.

"Sir, what can I do for you?" She asked as she readied her key to get into her office. She could tell from his face that he was pissed but yet he always looked like.

"You're late."

"Sir, it's a minute over 9. Traffic was heavy, I was in the car pack at 8:42, the lift up was busy. I had too much to carry up the 6 flights of stairs."

"You've got an answer for everything haven't you Garcia?"

"No sir, I'm merely pointing out the truth."

"You're lucky to have this job. You should be in a prison cell right now, you got a lucky break being offered this position but you seem to take it for granted."

"Take it for granted Sir?" She pleaded ignorant to that comment. "I understand that I got an opportunity that most don't get and I cherish and do my job as a result of it."

"Not fast enough. The tech we brought in when you went off shift was better than you and I'm here to inform you that Section Chief Strauss and the director have been alerted of your lacking ability." Penelope was one hundred percent floored there. Again she felt herself slipping back to how she was when the explosion first happened. "I want to see a demotion or at least some form of rethinking of the agreement you are here under. I can't have techs like you helping us. One's that are incompetent, ones that aren't mentally stable to do their job." He took a step back, Penelope's hands were shaking. "I will see effective measures taken but I needed you to know how I felt about your performance with the case." He then left her, shakily she put her key in the lock and went in and sunk into her seat and sobbed.

Derek walked into the BAU building after speaking with Strauss, he was not happy, and nor was Hotch who came with him. He'd already called the others to come in. However far into their recovery they were, the team needed their tech's faith to be of its usual standard. He'd just come out of the elevator to hear Thompson having ago at Penelope and the anger flared in him.

"Ah Agent Morgan, I didn't think I'd be seeing you back in work so..."

"This isn't a professional call Thompson; this is a matter to do entirely with Garcia."

"I'm getting her reassigned. I cannot be dealing with her incompetence on cases and I'm sure you'll agree."

Derek snorted then. He'd seen Penelope's form disappear and he knew she was breaking right now. "I find I have to draw the opposite here Thompson my man. You have another tech the majority of the time whereas we have Penelope. She can calculate distances faster than you clicking your fingers, she could dig into your sordid dirty little past quicker than you drawing breath and if she wanted to she could erase your entire life a hell of a lot faster than you can blink."

"Excuse me? I'm the one working with her."

"After her team were involved in what should've been a fatal accident." Derek said as Hotch and Rossi came from the elevator. "Now I think she's fully entitled to being a little bit off par, did she get you the information?"

"Well yes..."

"So where's the problem?"

"We lost another victim due to her lack of competence." Derek sighed at him there, that was a definitely knock to Penelope. "I can't be dealing with liabilities and failures. If she can't do her job then I think she needs to have her agreement for the job rethought."

"Penelope was diagnosed with Survivor Guilt's little over 2 weeks ago. Now Thompson you've been on this job a good 15 years so you've come across this before haven't you?" The man nodded, he could feel the anger radiating from Derek. "Now you would know the symptoms and the effect this can have on a person." The man nodded again. "Now has Garcia been illustrating them?" Again a nod. "Then I suggest you go and apologise to Garcia."

"Couldn't have put it better myself." Hotch said as he and Rossi clapped and approached the men. "I vouch for Morgan here Thompson. Penelope Garcia is an asset to team; she is usually, without a doubt the only tech I would trust with a case. We cut case times in half with her than we do with any other tech."

"Men step down." Came Strauss' voice as she approached them. "How is TA Garcia doing?"

"She _was _doing okay." Derek ground out, his fist clenching a little. "Ma'am if you don't mind I would like to go and check on her."

"Go on Morgan." He said and left Strauss to almost reprimand Thompson with the help of Rossi and Hotch. Derek almost ran to the door and he heard the sobs and his heart broke, he rushed right in and pulled her from her seat and gathered her in his arms and just held her to his chest as she sobbed hard and almost endlessly.

"I told you it's going to get better. I won't lose faith in that."

"Not if I end up in jail." She choked out. "What if I can't do my job anymore? What's going to happen to me?"

Derek pulled away and put his hands to the sides of her face, wiping the tears as they came, he gave her a little smile before he began. "Nothing is going to happen. This is a hitch in a tech kitten's life. It's a minor error that's going to be rerouted and sorted out. Baby you can fix computers without blinking and I can fix you in the same way." That evoked a tiny smile from Penelope but if he didn't look and wait for it, he'd have definitely missed it. "Strauss has your back, as do the whole team. I just think you need some mega time off baby girl."

"I can't afford to."

"Yes, you can." He told her softly. "You need to recuperate like us lot. Maybe not physically, but mentally you do and no one's going to be begrudging you that. Just talk to Strauss and strike a deal. You hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"Now come and watch Thompson squirm." He said and pulled her reluctantly from her office, they approached the group and she saw the entire team there. Everyone looked up at her and she wished she didn't look like such an emotional wreck.

"I want Garcia signed off work Strauss." Was all Hotch said with his normal don't mess with voice and Penelope knew she stood no chance in arguing what she could or couldn't do. She wasn't being left to carry this burden of hers alone. Not now everyone had finally seen the true state Penelope had been left in after their last case.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Nine -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: Longer chapter than usual but it just happened! The muse bit and caught on!**


	10. Piecing It Back Together

Disclaimer I own nothing =(

_**A/N:**_ Sorry for the delay! Life and weather took over! Hot weather meant that I was far away from my laptop most of the time =P

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Ten -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"2 weeks!" Penelope said as she climbed out of Derek's bed. To say things had progressed was an understatement. She was still off and seeing as Emily, Reid and Derek were all going back to work that day that meant that Strauss wanted to see how Penelope would cope. "I feel like I'm under a federal microscope and Strauss and Dr. Milligan are the scientists testing me."

"Technically, baby girl, you are and in theory they are." Derek said as he sat up and slide of the bed; it was highly amusing to watch Penelope go off in one of her rants. "But hey 3 of your 6 superheroes are around so I think I can vouch for boy genius and Prentiss that you'll do just fine."

Penelope smirked. "I bet you do. Two weeks have never been more blissful than they have been with you handsome but I don't want to be watched like a hawk. I can't function like that." Penelope said worriedly. "I'll crack completely then."

"Aw, and after I've just healed you up. I don't think so though sweet thing." He said as he stood up went and grabbed some jeans and a t shirt.

"Watch out for the..."

"I can get dressed Princess." Derek told her as he pulled the jeans on and did them up. He then turn to look at her, he remained topless as she pulled a multi-coloured dress over her curvy frame and he was in awe. "So God damn sexy." He said and she giggled at him.

"Get dressed handsome. Nothing too tight eh? Don't want to make that wound sore." She told him knowingly as she went over to the dresser and pulled out a necklace. "I'm gonna have to move home soon. I literally live here right now."

"Stay here." Derek told her and went up behind her; he threw the top so it went over his shoulder and put his arms around her. He kissed the side of her neck, nipping as he went. "Stay with me baby girl."

"My apartment..."

"Sell it." Was all Derek said and left her in his room as she stood in shock. Since the day the team had turned up at work two weeks earlier Penelope hadn't been left alone, if it wasn't Derek, it was Fran and if it was either of them it was one of the team. She'd never felt so wanted in her life. She'd realised very quickly into the break that she needed it. She needed to spend time without work, without stress and just find herself in the chaos that had made itself present in her life. Along with it she'd realised that she didn't carry the blame as much anymore.

She'd been woken up from multiple nightmares on different nights and she'd felt guilty, that being said Derek had her in his bed when he'd found out, and she'd been in his arms ever since and not one nasty dream or horrid nightmare bared torture to her soul. He was her own little remedy.

When they'd gotten in she knew she had to see Strauss and immediately after she was dealt her first case. Her normal team were on paperwork, so she was team B's tech and she was more than nervous about her performance.

She sat down at her post, ready in her oracle way and she was ready to wow with her skills. She'd read the case load, she'd been briefed by Strauss on and asked politely if she was ready. Penelope had accepted and was, she was poised, her finger tips ready and eager to work their wonders. She had multiple searches going, she didn't need orders, she'd worked with Hotch and she was going at his normal pace.

The phone rang and she answered it. "TA Garcia and the office of all knowing."

"Garcia..." Came the stern voice of Thompson. "I need you look up the background of Sandra Powell, pick out juvenile sentences, arrests, anything that would get her in link with the other victims."

"Open your PDA Sir, Miss Powell was arrested on a drug abuse charge like the three previous victims, that gives you the link of her kidnap to this case. Also, while looking up drug and alcohol abuse in the same state and within the same year I've whittled the list down to around 13 other potentials. That is also sent to your PDA." There was silence. "Was there anything else Agent Thompson?"

"Erm..." He managed to say after a brief moment. "This is tremendous work Garcia. I'll get in contact with you if we need to." She heard him say.

"Garcia out." She said and put the phone down; she sat there and felt a wave of calm come over her. She was definitely back in the game, playing on ball appropriately. She worked steadily, taking orders, giving information, keeping up the best she could but she cherished the mere minutes as they ticked by and she got her lunch.

Finally being able to escape her office she headed out with her cup in her hand and went straight to the coffee maker. She felt a presence behind her and turned to see Derek, Reid and Emily standing there.

"What are you up to?" Penelope asked tiredly as they stood there smiling at her. "The Oracle has worn herself out with her magic."

"Well then you definitely need lunch to boost you up baby girl." Derek said and Penelope was pulled to the little table and she saw the masses of food there.

"Our families helped so eat up PG." Emily said as she opened up one of the containers. Penelope had to smile; if she could have any first day back this one had to be the best of them all. The only thing that would make it even better would be having the rest of the team together but that was in good time. She could wait.

"So eat some of this and you'll be less tired Garcia." Reid said as he tucked in and took a mouthful. "Your blood sugar levels might be getting low; we haven't seen you venture out all morning."

"Don't worry Genius, she's gonna have a big bit of cake to make up for not having anything since breakfast."

"Oh I am, am I?" Penelope asked as she looked at him with a grin.

Derek leant in, a bigger grin, a twinkle in her eyes. "Oh you best believe it sweetheart. You've got me looking after you now."

"And me." Reid said as he took another bite.

"Me three." Emily said and gave Penelope a friendly smile and a wink. "Plus there's about another 3 of them standing behind you that will be too." She added on and took a bite of her roll, smiling as she chewed.

Penelope spun on her seat quickly to see Hotch standing there casually with JJ and Rossi. "There enough food for us?" He asked as they approached.

"Er, yeah sure. Here take my seat Sir." She stammered and went to stand up but Derek grabbed her pulled her down and kept eating. He swallowed and looked at her.

"You do not move any sexy muscle of yours. You hear me?" Derek told her and she laughed a little and nodded. "We're fully capable to get chairs and this is how it's going to be baby girl." Derek told her and looked at Hotch as he, JJ and Rossi grabbed a spare chair and went and joined them all.

"I hear you stunned Agent Thompson earlier Garcia?" Everyone looked from Hotch to Garcia as she gave him a perplexed look. "Word travels fast in this building. Bit like wild fire." He told her and gave her a wink. "You gave him a pure doss of what you really are made of Penelope. It's good to hear." There was a round of cheers and as Penelope felt her cheeks burn with a blush she had to feel happy. She'd gone in alone all those weeks ago and thought she'd lost more than she was trying to keep a hold of, but in actually fact she'd gained so much more in the end.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chapter Ten -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: I'm calling that an end guys!**

**The amount of review and support you gave was phenomenal and much appreciated! **

**Sorry for the delay's but here it is! The final chapter , treat this as an epilogue of sorts. =)**


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